My Review: Flypaper (3/10)

¨It´s like extra sad when a hot chick dies. When an ugly chick dies, it´s like, their life probably sucked anyway, so it´s no big deal.¨

The only thing Flypaper had going for it (beside my love for Ashley Judd) was that it was written by the screenwriters who brought us The Hangover, Jon Lucas and Scott Moore. Despite my love for The Hangover, I really hated the script here. I found the film incredibly stupid; the performances extremely over the top and the jokes didn’t really work. Flypaper is a terrible comedy that makes any Adam Sandler movie look like a masterpiece. I thought the entire film was ridiculous and a mess from the very opening scene. The comedy just felt too forced and it was a shame because the premise was kind of interesting on paper. You have these characters assembled inside a closed space with several twists and surprises, but none of them ever feel authentic or funny. In trying to be clever Flypaper ends up being pretty stupid. I really couldn’t understand how such a talented cast would accept to work in a movie like this. Ashley Judd and Patrick Dempsey can do much better than this. The jokes and gags were absolutely terrible and I didn’t even smile during any moment of the movie. Rob Mincoff´s (The Haunted Mansion and The Forbidden Kingdom) film failed tremendously. I wasn’t expecting much from this film, but it was way worse than I thought it would be. Lucas and Moore proved with The Hangover that they can write clever and funny comedies, but I don’t know what happened to them here.

The film takes place almost entirely inside a bank where we are introduced to Tripp (Patrick Dempsey) who happens to be there changing a hundred dollar bill. He begins hitting on the teller, Kaitlin (Ashley Judd), but she´s engaged and not amused. When Tripp is about to exit the bank he realizes that a heist is about to take place as two red necks nicknamed Peanut Butter (Tim Blake Nelson) and Jelly (Pruitt Taylor Vince) begin pulling out their guns. Tripp jumps over the counter and protects Kaitlin from the robbers, but almost at the same exact time another bank robber team is present. Darrien (Mekhi Phifer), Gates (Matt Ryan), and Weinstein (John Ventimiglia) seem to have planned out their heist with much more professionalism than the red neck Peanut Butter and Jelly duo. In middle of the confrontation the two teams open gunfire until Tripp convinces them to stop as they both seem to have come for different heists, the pros for the vault and the amateurs for the ATM machines. Several twists begin to take place from this point on as Tripp tries to solve the mystery as to why two heist teams happened to arrive at the exact time. Could there be an informant inside the bank?

The premise might look interesting on paper because the concept is pretty interesting and original, but the execution is just terrible. From the very opening scene I didn’t buy any of the characters or could take any of them seriously because the performances were really over the top. The script was terribly delivered and the actors had nothing to work with really. The entire detective story seemed pretty pointless and I really didn’t care whether or not the mystery would be solved. At times I felt like I was watching a quirky staged play. I really hated this movie despite the fact that Ashley Judd had a lead role here. The only good thing I can say about this movie is that it only lasted about 85 minutes so it was over pretty quickly. By any means possible please stay away from this movie.

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My Review: Transformers: The Dark Side of the Moon (4/10)

¨You may lose faith in us, but never in yourselves¨

Somehow after the third Transformers film I have managed to lose my faith in the highly successful blockbuster director Michael Bay and screenwriter Ehren Kruger who have turned one of my favorite cartoons into a terrible franchise. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the first Transformers and thought it was awesome to see those characters brought to the big screen, but the sequels just haven’t managed to live up to expectations and my faith in the series is long lost. As Optimus Prime states, at least I haven’t managed to lose my faith in myself. The special effects are extraordinary and we get plenty of action, but there is no character development whatsoever. The movie is exceedingly long (over two and a half hours) and not even with all that extra time do we get to see some character development. The final showdown is also extremely long, but I guess action fans won`t be disappointed because they get a lot of excellent fights and cool visuals. As for me, I would have liked a better story with more character development. I could have also used a bit more comedy; the jokes just get old after three films and I would`ve really enjoyed something fresh and original in the series instead of relying on John Turturro all over again for the funniest moments. There are some new additions to the franchise, some interesting actors, but none of them are enough to save the franchise. Transformers is one of those movies that is extremely loud and makes a lot of noise, but really never ends up saying anything at all.

Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is back again to save the world for a third time from the Decepticons, although this time he has a new girlfriend, Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley). He meets her at the White House after receiving a medal of honor from president Obama. Sam is out of college, but is having trouble finding a job, although he is living with Carly who is doing well at her new job working as an assistant for a rich man named Dylan (Patrick Dempsey). On the meantime, the Autobots are helping humans maintain peace between them while the Decepticons remain silent. Lennox (Josh Duhamel), who works with the Autobots, receives a call from Ukraine saying that they have found some form of alien life at a former radiation plant. The Decepticons seem to be searching for something and the answers can be found in the past: they have to do with man`s first arrival at the moon. A few select men at NASA have been hiding some key information about what really was hidden at the dark side of the moon: a Cybertronian spacecraft containing some dark secrets. Both Decepticons and Autobots begin a race to uncover this secret that could threaten life on Earth. Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Ratchet, and the rest of the Autobots are back along with some new ones, while Megatron leads the Decepticon`s new army.  There are some plot twists so I do not want to give too much of it away, but the main focus of the film is almost entirely on the action and the almost hour long destruction of Chicago.

In this third film we discover that Optimus Prime isn’t the last remaining Prime after all since Sentinel Prime has been unconscious in the dark side of the moon during all these years. When Optimus Prime finds him he revives him with the Matrix; but Sentinel isn’t the only new character in this film, we also have Frances McDormand as Chief Mearing in charge of the NEST operation, the funny Ken Jeong as Jerry Wang, Sam`s co-worker who might know what NASA was hiding doing the trip to the moon, there is also John Malkovich as Sam`s new boss, and then there is Alan Tudyk as the Dutch who is Simmons`s personal assistant. Even though we have all these new characters (remember I also mentioned Carly who replaced Megan Fox, and her boss Dylan) the film still seems more of the same and lacks freshness and originality. None of these characters were able to bring something new to the franchise because the script was mediocre and the film relied solely on the spectacular visuals and action scenes. Much of what Michael Bay puts on film is eye-candy, that is the reason he brought Rosie Huntington-Whiteley to replace Fox as she isn’t much of an actress, but she is just as hot as Fox. I just wished Bay spent the same amount of time he does on the action scenes with the screenplay. The 3D visuals work really well in this film, especially with the action scenes and the destruction of Chicago, but the movie just felt way too long in my opinion. I`m also tired of the open ended finales which suggest there might be another sequel on the way, and wish they just brought closure to the Transformers franchise

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My Review: Valentine`s Day (5/10)

¨There you have it, folks. Young love. Full of promise, full of hope, ignorant of reality. ¨

This romantic comedy is exactly what Valentine`s Day is all about: commercialization. First of all you have Garry Marshall involved in the project, who has directed many hits such as Pretty Woman, Frankie and Jhonny, Beaches, The Princess Diaries, among many others. He gets the dream team of actors to get involved as well: Ashton Kutcher, Taylor Lautner, Julia Roberts, Emma Roberts, Taylor Swift, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Anne Hathaway, Topher Grace, Bradley Cooper, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, George Lopez, Hector Elizondo, and Shirley MacLaine. With all these names there is no reason why someone wouldn`t want to go see this film, we all at least like someone in this movie (if not all), it`s a cast of All-Stars; between them they have more than 15 Oscar nominations combined. There is one major problem however: the movie is a huge disapointment. The screenplay, written by Katherine Fugate, doesn`t seem to work and it gave me the sense of being in a crowded room because it introduces one character after another without allowing for any character development or attachment on the part of the viewer with any one of them. This movie tries really hard to be Love Actually, which was a very successful romantic British comedy that also had a star cast, but the difference was that Love Actually was actually a good movie and Valentine`s Day isn`t. I didn`t have problems with the performances as much as I did with the predictable stories and cliches. Out of the more than ten different stories that are told here only one really caught me off guard, and if you`ve seen this movie then you probably know which one I am talking about.

The stories all take place in Los Angeles on Valentine`s Day. Reed (Ashton Kutcher) is a florist who wakes up next to his girlfriend Morley (Jessica Alba) and proposes to her. She says yes, and he goes to work excited on the busiest day of the year for him. His bestfriend is Julia (Jennifer Garner) who is having an affair with Dr. Harrison (Patrick Dempsey), although she really doesn`t know he is married. One of Julia`s students from school, Edison (Bryce Robinson) claims to be in love, and he lives with his grandparents Edgar (Hector Elizondo) and Estelle (Shirley MacLaine) who have been married for years and have been faithful to each other all their lives, or at least that was what Edgar thought. Since Edgar and Estella are going out on a date, Grace (Emma Roberts) is going to babysit Edison. She is planning on having sex for the first time with her High School sweetheart Alex (Carter Jenkins). Willy (Taylor Lautner), the School jock, gives Alex some advice. He is dating Felicia (Taylor Swift) and they are interviewed by a reporter who is covering a story about the most romantic day of the year. Kelvin (Jamie Foxx) is the sports reporter who is covering the story, but abandons it to cover the story on Sean Jackson (Eric Dane), a veteran QB who is giving a press conference about his next career move. That is where Kelvin meets his PR agent, Kara (Jessica Biel). Jason (Topher Grace) also wakes up next to his girlfriend Liz (Anne Hathaway) who he has just begun dating. Two strangers travel on a plane back to LA together: Holden (Bradley Cooper) and Captain Hazeltine (Julia Roberts).

As you can see the movie just tries to juggle all these different stories in a very short time and there is no room for character development. The actors don`t have enough screen time to build their characters or work any chemistry between them. The movie also is a bit long for a romantic comedy and by the end you are left expecting much more from this all star cast. The film had the potential to be great and I don`t know how they managed to get all these actors into the film with such a mediocre script. No matter what I say about this film you are probably going to see it anyway because there is a good chance one of your favorite actors is in this movie. I just wished they could`ve done more with such a great cast. Taking your date to this movie might end up being a much more expensive gift then you should of wished for.

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