2 sept. 2010

My Review: Vampires Suck (2/10)

                                    ¨Once you go bat you never go back XD ¨

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have done what I thought was impossible: make a worse movie than ¨Meet the Spartans¨. As a matter of fact the only spoof movie they have made that I actually enjoyed for at least the first hour was Scary Movie. After that they have just gone downhill with the Scary Movie sequels, Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Disaster Movie. Every new spoof movie they come out with is worse than its predecessor. The main problem with Vampires Suck is that it only spoofs the Twilight franchise, while in the other movies they had more variety. The jokes are pretty much the same and they get old after awhile. The main actors were actually pretty decent at imitating Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson`s mannerisms, but this would have been great for a 5 minute Saturday Night Live sketch, not an 80 minute film that seems to drag forever and is just pointless. There are hardly no funny scenes and the film just seems to insult the viewer`s intellect. This is by far the worst movie of 2010 and really a waste of time. Friedberg and Seltzer keep on making these movies which just get worse and worse because they use the same repeated formula in all their films. There isn`t a single fresh thing about Vampire Sucks and no memorable scenes either. Twilight fans will obviously hate this, those who haven`t seen the Twilight franchise will miss out on most of the jokes, and those people who hate Twilight but are forced to watch it by their girlfriends will even despise this movie more since this is exactly how they perceive the original anyway.

The entire movie is a spoof of the first two Twilight films. Bella`s character name in this movie is Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) and she is just moving in with her single dad (Diedrich Bader) in Phoenix. At her new school she meets Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), a very pale and strange teenager, and both of them fall in love very quickly. Of course since this is a spoof of Twilight there has to be a love triangle and Jacob White (Chris Riggi) shows up and tries to court Becca. Becca soon discovers that Edward is really a vampire, but she is turned on by this. Jacob White isn`t who he seems either and can actually turn into a Chihuahua. The voltures from Twilight are also represented in this movie by Daro (Ken Jeong, the Chinese dude from The Hangover), Becca`s best friend at High school is the selfish Jennifer (Anneliese van der Pol) who only cares about becoming the prom queen, and Edward`s parents are played by Jeff Witzke and Crista Flanagan. Every character from Twilight is spoofed and are all pretty well cast. Edward`s brothers are played by Stephanie Fischer, Kelsey Ford, Zane Holtz, and Nick Eversman. The plot is just an 80 minute summary of the 4 hour Twilight films with really bad jokes.

Vampires Suck is officially the worst movie of the year in my opinion. I can`t say anything positive about this movie, except that Jenn Proske and Matt Lanter were pretty good at imitating Bella and Edward. Proske spoke exactly like Kristen Stewart and had her same mannerisms: biting her lips, staring at the ground, and constantly playing with her hair. Lanter also imitated Pattinson pretty well with the dead stares and paused speaking. So I can`t really complain about the actors in this movie, they just didn`t have any material to work with. The only thing I can say is that Friedberg and Seltzer should start trying to come up with some original material because they are repeating themselves too much. At least this time they came out with an original title and didn`t call this Vampire Movie. That is the only original thing they could come up with, but I guess if people continue to go see their cheap movies then they really don`t have any reason to change. I personally think this is the worst movie of the year, it was not funny at all, and you should skip this. I am still waiting for this year`s hit comedy.


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